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Put the white in red, white & blue this 4th of July with sumptuous chicken burgers. Celebrating our fiftieth state, we add a few items to take chicken burgers from bland to grand.

Let’s see how, but first, a story about patriotic jury duty on a criminal trial involving a transvestite prostitute – a tranny tute in my circles.

Unavoidable jury duty, normally a drag and postponed out of dread three times, was here. The judge lectured 30 prospective jurors for 4 hours about the virtues of serving, especially in Los Angeles with its one day, one trial policy. This was criminal court, the same exact place where OJ was tried. He also said, if the defense attorney can present a probable story as probable as the DA’s, you must acquit- presumed innocent, right?

The jury pool, in the voir dire process, was asked if we or family members had ever served time in jail, been arrested, been a victim of crime, witnessed a robbery, been robbed. Seven people raised their hands every time. Clearly I led a dull life.

In numbered order, jurors were dismissed by attorneys as they tried to whittle to an unbiased group of twelve with two alternates. I was juror 28 and ended up 14th – second alternative. I would hear the case, but not deliberate. Jury Jackpot.

The case was as delicious as chicken sliders.

Four am, last December, just south of USC, a young adult man made an arrangement with a prostitute, who was work-walking in a mostly residential neighborhood. The presumed victim, a large black man, took the stand telling his story of how when he was dressed as a lady, working the streets, the defendant, another large black man, attempted to rob him during their work-for-sex dealings, using a butcher’s knife. The tute said he/she threw his/her purse at him, but then the defendant fled on a light green moped, tranny tute called the police who picked up the defendant and in the back of his moped found a butcher knife. The defendant was being charged with attempted robbery and use of a deadly weapon.

In closing arguments, the defense attorney, not as glam as the DA, said “ladies and gentlemen, this case is not about the knife, but about the purse.” Like I said delicious (as Maui burgers, stay with me).

guilty of flavor

She continued, suppose the defendant made arrangements with the woman only to discover that she was a man, alarmed, he pulled his knife out in defense. The defendant never touched the accuser and never touched the purse. If he was intending to rob, why wouldn’t he check the purse for money? It was about the purse. Not Guilty.

innocent of calories

We finished before lunch and outside the courthouse, among the line of food trucks, Haute Burger. Although they didn’t make this list, they served up the most gratifying, salacious chicken burger I’ve ever had. I recreated it at home with a few trial and error preparations. The truck gents shared that they use dark meat, which would be juicier and more flavorful, but I believe my version with all white meat is just as good and less guilty of calories. Take that pun judges!

maui wowie chicken sliders

There’s a reason Hawaiian pizza is so popular. The melding flavors of sweet pineapple spread with salty proscuitto and creamy cheese is unbeatable Use any prepared citrus fruit jam if you don’t have time or the fruit on-hand to make your own spread.

preptime: 20 minutes servings 4

1 cup chopped pineapple

1 tsp sugar

1 lb ground white meat chicken

1/4 medium sweet Maui onion, blended in food processor or grated.

4 slices proscuitto

4 slices swiss cheese

8 slider buns (softer the better)

arugula – optional green

  1. Place chopped pineapple and sugar in a small saucepan. Cook on simmer for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally, until melted down into a chunky spread.
  2. Mix ground chicken with onion and loosely form into 8 patties.
  3. Break cheese slices into quarters – 16 total.
  4. Cut proscuitto slices in half
  5. Grill burgers on medium heat for about 4 minutes,
  6. Flip, allowing the inside to thorough cook, about 3 more minutes. Just before finished, add 2 cheese quarters per slider. Also place the buns in the grill, away from the flame. Close lid and heat for another 1-2 minutes.
  7. To assemble, spread pineapple jam on the top of each bun, place the burger/cheese on bottom bun, add a bunched up proscuitto half to each. Add arugula if desired.
  8. Serve.


  • use prepared citrus jam, even apricot will do.
  • cut up cheeses and proscuitto ahead of time.

recipe inspired by Haute Burger food truck and provided by your friends at crunchtimefood.com



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